Directed by: Brad Radby
Starring: Bruce Willis, Will Smith, Keanu Reeves, Diane Lane, Chris Rock, Gene Hackman
Critics Average: 7/5
Box Office (US): $4.9B (as of 02/14/23)
BRAD RADBY’S SYNOPSIS
At the start of the movie, Bruce Willis and Will Smith are tough and exciting bounty hunters who meet up at a flying energy factory, because they’re both chasing a secret international criminal, who is Keanu in disguise. Bruce and Will are mad at each other, because they are always bounty hunting the same guys, and so here-we-go-again is how they are.
Everything is on fire and crazy because of Keanu’s tricks, and when he gets away, Bruce and Will are caught in a giant explosion. The explosion is blue, and it gives them both special anything-you-touch-will-explode-if-you-say BOOM THIS!!! out-loud powers.
That’s just the beginning, because now the government has them, and can’t decide what to do with these loudmouths, and they might even have the Big C, because they break all the doctors’ machines with their strange blood energies. Bruce and Will don’t have time for that, because they need to use their world-weary toughness and slick urban attitude to find out where Keanu went and get that bounty!
Bruce has a dead wife and Will is the one with urban attitude.
That’s when Keanu walks in, and Bruce and Will are like whoa, because they know who he is without his disguise – the Vice-President! Will is like, “Oh no you din’t!” and Keanu waves his finger like “no-no-no” and then leaves to go make his secret plan happen some more.
Bruce and Will team up to escape with their new exploder powers, and they do this by having clashing personalities during a big Mustang car chase with the Army, who get involved right away when Bruce and Will exploder out.
Will calls his girlfriend for help, and she is Diane Lane, and she’s also Bruce sister, and they didn’t know that until now, and wow is it a big problem for Bruce! They threaten to exploder each other, and Diane sees their powers starting to happen, and luckily she’s a scientist, so she is curious about helping them.
She takes them to the lab, and it’s sexy for Will, and not at all for Bruce. Diane figures out that if they ever try to exploder the same thing at the same time, they’ll both die for some reason.
While that is happening, Keanu’s special urban Army nerd, who is Chris Rock, sees their powers happening on his high-tech devices, and they attack the lab. Tanks and planes and motorcycle soldiers and everything else exploders, because Bruce and Will are really kick-butt together when they want to be, and they are learning to maybe do that.
While they’re being tough and cool, Diane does sneaky computer hacking inside one of the tanks, and gets some important files. She also captures Chris, and he admits that Keanu is building a machine that can make tornadoes attack other countries by remote control. They all agree that this is a great plan, but maybe it’s a really mean thing to let happen.
Chris tells them where the Tornadoer is being built, and then says funny urban jokes about their honky food. Will and Diane have some on-the-lips kissing, and Will nods at his wiener and says maybe it’s time to go exploder that, if she knows what he means, and it looks like she does!
Bruce is too world-weary to get mad, and he stares at his hands and wonders why this happened to him, when he just wants to fix Mustangs and hunt people for money.
In the White House basement, Keanu starts up his tornado machine and it works, and even the scientists who helped him build it are wondering if they did the right thing, and they do this by looking at each other like, “wtf?” while Keanu shows the President, who is Gene Hackman, how the machine works.
Keanu does this by sending a tornado after Gene, and it gets him and spins him around, and as Gene dies from being dizzy, he is like, “Whhhyyyyy Keeeeaaannuuuu wwwhhhyyyy…!?!?!” and that’s in slow motion even though the tornado is going fast.
Bruce and Will head into the White House as funny tourists, while Diane and Chris watch things from a technology van. After some sneaking around, it’s the biggest fight to ever happen ever between soldiers, tornadoes, jets, tanks, parachute machine-gunners, and two bounty hunters who can make things explode by touching them and saying, “BOOM THIS!”
It’s also Christmas, so there’s a big parade with floaty balloons everywhere.
Keanu fires up the Tornadoer, and starts sending his tornadoes out at other countries, who will then give him money to stop. Bruce and Will can only save England, etc. if they both touch the Tornadoer at the same time. Even though it will kill them, they do it because they are the heroes, and for some reason they live, and the last stray tornado chases Keanu away.
Everyone is happy, and Chris makes a joke about what a good job he did. Bruce and Will sigh and exploder his belt, making his pants fall down. Chris acts really urban as everyone laughs, and Will kisses Diane. Bruce admits they’re a good match, and then pulls them apart, then lets them back together, and then pulls them apart one last time.
The next day, Keanu is the new President, and he gives Bruce and Will special awards for stopping Gene’s tornado scheme. “Uh-oh” is how they look on their faces, because this means Keanu did a good job framing it up, and Bruce and Will know they’ve probably got more Exploders adventures ahead, and that’s a meme and a half for sure.
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