Directed by: Brad Radby
Starring: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Samuel L. Jackson, Ashley Judd, Tobey Maguire
Critics Average: 4/5 Stars
Box Office (US): $801M
BRAD RADBY’S SYNOPSIS
At the start of the movie, Tobey Maguire is radioactive, and he bites Sarah Michelle Gellar at the beach. She wakes up the next day with Tobey’s powers, so she makes a hot costume that shows off her amazing butt, and becomes Spider-Babe, professional crime fighter!
Right away Sarah tries to find out who made Tobey radioactive, because it made her sad when he was glowing and going, “Ohhhhh…it huuurrrrtttts…I think I’mmmm geeeetttting The Biiiigggg C…” and that’s in slow motion because of the Big C really getting him bad. Sarah looks for clues at a few different places, and those places are all bikini car washes.
Later at college, Sarah is in hot tub class, and all the girls are having fun together because of the jokes from their teacher, who is Samuel L. Jackson. Sarah remembers she left her Spider-Babe costume in her open locker, so she runs there in slow motion, and she’s still all wet from the big pop quiz. All the other girls try to tackle her, and there’s a huge wrestling match, and then a water balloon fight. Sarah gets her costume hidden and her secret identity is safe.
That night, Sarah’s mom, who is Ashley Judd, is doing her underwear yoga when Samuel L. stops by. He asks if Sarah is Spider-Babe, but Ashley says that she needs to finish her yoga, so he watches Ashley for a while and eats a hamburger.
They hear a crash up in Sarah’s room, so they go up there and it turns out Sarah fell down in the shower. Ashley gets in and helps Sarah up, and then helps her wash her hair, and that’s the meme. After that, Sarah washes Ashley’s hair while they have a giggling contest.
Samuel L. is smoking a pipe during this, and it takes fifteen minutes of the movie. He sees Sarah’s web shooters on the table and asks what they are, so Sarah accuses Ashley of cheating at the giggling contest, and makes Samuel L. keep official score, and that’s a distraction that works.
Sarah is hot and smart.
The next day after class, Samuel L. yells at Sarah about her being Spider-Babe, and she says, “NO WAY MISTER!” and then goes to swing around the city fighting some crime at the water-slide park, and also she goes on the water-slides. She gets done and is changing, when a cloned bird robot steals her costume. Just then, a police car drives by, because the bank is being robbed by a new super villain.
Because the cloned bird robot stole her costume, Sarah throws on her mask and goes to the bank in her tight tank top and little shorts. The Professor, a tall urban man who looks like Samuel L. with a mask on, is robbing the bank. The fight goes outside, and it starts to rain, and don’t forget that Sarah’s little shorts are all ripped up from the fight now.
Sarah stops The Professor, and takes his mask off. She’s like wtf, and Samuel L. yells that he knows who she really is, and that he gave Tobey the Big C that made him radioactive, and also that was his cloned bird robot that took her costume. Sara goes to the top of a building to have sadness in the rain all night, and she cuts herself a couple times, just to see if it helps her feel more or less sad.
By morning, she’s less sad, and swings off to buy band-aids, and is learning lessons about being a better hero. She is Spider-Babe!
BRAD RADBY’S PRODUCTION NOTES
1) I don’t know if Tobey got radioactive in real life or what, but I believed it!
2) I did the wardrobe picking on this with my secret wardrobe name of Rad Bradby, and that was a good job to have for sure.
3) When Samuel L. said he wanted to yell all his lines, I said okay, and then I started yelling, “ACTION!” like he does, and that’s part of my secret Director-Man origin. LOL!
4) I gave all the stars crowns for their wrap presents, and the crowns said thank-you on them in cursive writing.
5) I forgot to yell cut for the giggling contest but that an on-purpose forgetting because I really wanted to know who would win.