Directed by: Brad Radby
Starring: Bruce Willis, Ashley Judd, Danny Glover, Martin Sheen
Critics Average: 1.5/5 Stars
Box Office (US): $46M
BRAD RADBY’S SYNOPSIS
At the start of the movie, Bruce Willis is a scientist, who quit doing his sciencing so he could live out in the woods and grow a beard and pretend to hunt, only he’s never shot anything, because he doesn’t put bullets in his gun. That’s how deep he is.
One day a younger scientist, who is Ashley Judd, comes to visit him, and she’s in her sweaty tank top because of the hike to Bruce’s cabin. She has his old job and was going through his important files, where she found his map of space, and it was called a SpaceMap.
When she was looking at it, Bruce’s old best friend at the science lab, who is Danny Glover, saw it and got really ominous. Upstairs from the two-way mirror meeting room, the boss, who is Martin Sheen, also got ominous, so that’s more his meme, and only a little bit Danny’s.
So Bruce goes back to the lab with Ashley and gives Danny a hug, and then he has to be held back from fist-fighting Martin. But then Martin says that Bruce was right all along, and they need to finish the SpaceMap, because nobody can figure out where the things in space are without it.
Bruce stares through a telescope and starts thinking Martin might be right, and he thinks about his dead wife and how she used to always say, “It’s soooo immmpooortanttt…” and that’s in slow motion because like he’s remembering.
Bruce and Danny go out and have a steak dinner and laugh about old times with their beer, and that reminds Bruce of how many stars aren’t labeled yet. Ashley is there too, and she’s wearing another sweaty tank top and acting really excited and bouncy, and she’s sitting indian-style in her little shorts, and this makes Bruce laugh about young people.
They get to work on the SpaceMap, and then things get really intense, because Martin is being even more ominous, and throwing more money and big lunches at the SpaceMap project than they even need.
Bruce figures out where Mars is.
Martin admits that he is in it for the money and fame, and that he planted the SpaceMap for Ashley to find, and that he’s a lying boss. Bruce finishes the map, but for the right reasons. Then they use the secret modem Ashley built and put it on the online internet, so that everyone can know where the different things are in space.
Ashley and Bruce go live in the cabin, and Bruce finally has the courage to put bullets in his gun. He shoots a deer and then goes all the way with Ashley. Danny is there too, and he’s smoking a pipe.
BRAD RADBY’S PRODUCTION NOTES
1) When Ashley was in her underwear everyone liked that day on the movie set, and we all wore blue stripes on our sleeves if you know what I mean. LOL!!
2) Everyone liked it on the Super Airplane when Bruce came on the holo-screens and went, “Well I’ll be damned, there’s Mars…” because he said it just like that in the movie!
3) The pipe was all Danny’s idea and then I was like asking him if I could use that again, and he thought it was a good question.
4) One day to Ashley I was like, “Hey put this on your SpaceMap!” and pointed at my wiener, and she laughed because she is cool and like jokes.
5) I asked Ashley if she would go all the way with me because I let her say words in the movie, but it didn’t work this time. wtf