Directed by: Brad Radby
Starring: Zac Efron, Hilary Duff, Bruce Willis, Pencils
Critics Average: 0/5 Stars
Box Office (US): $36M
BRAD RADBY’S SYNOPSIS
At the start of the movie, Zac Efron stops going to school and gets a job as an astronaut. His new boss astronaut, who is Bruce Willis, makes him do push-ups with rock music playing, but Zac likes important music that has lots of deep meanings, so they are not friends.
When he gets home one night after a hard day of push-ups, Zac’s girlfriend, who is Hilary Duff, tells him that their pet horsey is sick, and the horsey is Pencils, and it’s the Big C that he’s sick with. They use the online internet, and Zac figures out that they can get the Big C cure from the dangerous space cloud that’s coming to Earth.
Hilary has on a push-up bra.
Zac and Hilary ride Pencils to the astronaut factory and steal a space shuttle, but Bruce catches them at the last minute, and is like, “Don’t steal that space shuttle, pal!” He grabs onto the side and holds on while they go to space, and there’s like classical music playing, because everything is deep. That’s when they hit the space cloud, and Bruce is like, “IIII THIIINNNKKKK IT’S AAA CUUUMMMUUUULLLOOOUUSSS…” and that’s in slow motion and in French, which means it’s really deep also.
Then it like fades out like in an artsy way, and the title of the movie is on the screen, and that looks like deep art, and it’s the kind of art that makes people think about life.
When they wake up, they are in the desert, and the space shuttle is in little pieces, and it won’t go back together no matter what, and Hilary says something deep about how it looks like a broken life. They look everywhere, but they can’t find Pencils or Hilary’s clothes, so they follow some horsey tracks that are nearby.
When they are walking and saying deep poems about nature, Bruce hears voices, and then like it’s quiet, and Bruce looks over at the woods in that cool way only he can do, and then a bunch of horseys jump out!
They’re talking horseys, and they say, “NA-AY! GET THE HUMANS! NA-AY-AY!!!” and that’s how they talk to each other, and it works, because they catch Bruce and Hilary, and that’s after Zac surrendered as soon as the horseys jumped out.
Back at the horsey camp, Zac is having deep sadness, because he thinks these horseys are being really mean. When he tries to sing a deep song about it, one of the horseys is like, “NAY NAY! You’re going to court! NA-AY!”
At the court-barn, they ask Zac about why he can talk, and Zac says, “Because I was born this way,” and the horseys all go crazy at this answer, like, “NA-AY!! NA-AY!! NA-AY!! NA-AY-AY-AAYY!!”
Hilary stands up and explains how on their planet, people ride horseys, and sometimes they whip the horseys on their backs and make bets about who is fastest. Again, the horseys are not happy, and they go, “NAY OMG! NAY! NAY-AY! OMG WTF!!”
Then Pencils comes out riding Bruce, and all the Horseys keep going ““NAY! NAY! NAY! YOUR WIFE IS DEAD! NAY! NAY! NAY! YOUR WIFE IS DEAD!” and Zac is on his knees and is wondering how this all happened, because this world sure is crazy!
The horseys all light pipes and do their NAY chant about Bruce’s wife as the credits roll, and Zac gets sad, because he has learned his lesson about how sometimes people are different, and he isn’t going to wear fur boots anymore.
BRAD RADBY’S PRODUCTION NOTES
1) Barky played the judge horsey, and that was like a deep meme and art at the same time, because he said, “NAY! NAY!” upside-down, and he’s a doggie, not a horsey.
2) The end is supposed to be like art, and saying things about how AIDS can get better if we all smile, but nobody got it.
3) Only sixteen horseys died while we were making the movie, but I guess all the PETA ladies don’t understand art. wtf
4) This was like part three of my Sensitive Movie Trilogy be-cause it was deep and also art.
5) I forgot to yell cut when the space cloud came, so maybe we should’ve used a special effects space cloud like everyone said, but “like brother, like brother” is where I’m coming from on that one.
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