Directed by: Brad Radby
Starring the voices of: Hayden Christensen, Emmy Rossum, Bruce Willis, Jennifer Aniston, Vin Diesel
Critics Average: 2.5/5 Stars
Box Office (US): $258M
BRAD RADBY’S SYNOPSIS
At the start of the movie, Hayden Christensen is a cartoon boy with lots of problems, because he gets picked on at school and has a cartoon step-dad, who is Vin Diesel, who is a yeller for sure. Hayden has a crush on a cartoon girl at school, and she is Emmy Rossum. Everyone in the movie are cartoon people, and not real people, except Hayden’s teacher, who is real.
There’s only one thing that can save cartoon Hayden and make him cool, and that’s winning the science fair. At first he tries to make a volcano, and then cartoon Vin is being mean again, and knocks over all his science toys. Hayden’s cartoon mom, who is Jennifer Aniston, comes in and says it looks like a tornado came through!
Vin wears a blue striped shirt, and it’s real.
Because of Jennifer’s hint, cartoon Hayden makes a cartoon tornado, and his voice is Bruce Willis, and it’s his real voice. At first it’s crazy, and Hayden hides in the closet, which is a real closet. Then cartoon Bruce tells Hayden he’s a nice tornado, and Hayden tells Bruce about the bullies. The bullies are cartoons, but they wear real hats and real belts.
All day the next day, which is a cartoon day, Bruce is pulling great pranks on the bullies, like using his tornado body to throw them so far up in the air that their bones break when they hit the ground, and the ground is real, so you know it hurts!
But then Bruce uses his tornado body to blow up all the girls’ skirts, which are real skirts with real butts, and then he does it to cartoon Emmy, and cartoon Hayden thinks maybe enough is enough. He asks his Vin Diesel dad, who is real now, if he can help. Vin’s shirt becomes a cartoon when he says yes.
Vin uses a cartoon anti-tornado machine, and turns the cartoon Bruce into a small breeze, and it’s a real breeze. Bruce goes, “WHOOoooosh…! NOOOooooooo…!” and that’s in slow motion, and he fades away as he says it.
Vin turns back into a cartoon and gives Hayden a real hug, and that makes Hayden become real. They go to the hospital to visit the bullies, and they’ve learned their lessons, because their broken bones are real bones, but they are still cartoons. Emmy is smoking a pipe, and it’s a real pipe even though she’s a cartoon, except her butt, because it’s her real butt and we can see it.
BRAD RADBY’S PRODUCTION NOTES
1) This was a great way to do my first movie after being at the rehab creek, because it was a nice movie for kids, but it was funny because everyone said kids who like doobies would probably like the movie?!?
2) Bruce and me made up and I promised him his wife would always be dead from now on. He gave me a new doggie, and we named him Barky.
3) The anti-tornado machine was funny when you think about The Exploders, and that’s a meme in real life, but not the movie.
4) When I was telling Vin to be like, “I’LL BE BACK!” he was like saying that’s not him but those are jokes he’s telling, I think.
5) Me and Vin can tell jokes like that because I found out he was in my special religion with the volcano god from Mars, so that was a cool thing to know for sure!
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