Directed by: Brad Radby
Starring: Calvin Stadiums, Lil’ Romeo, Bruce Willis, Jim Rome
Critics Average: 1/5 Stars
Box Office (US): $62M
BRAD RADBY’S SYNOPSIS
At the start of the movie, Lil’ Romeo has one wish for his Happy Birthday present, and that’s for the famous basketball playing person, who is Calvin Stadiums, to become his basketball genie. Well, this is a really hard wish for Lil’s step-dad to make come true, and the step-dad is Bruce Willis.
Bruce is thinking, “Oh man, oh man, oh man…!” and he’s saying this out loud as he waits for Lil’ to blow out his Happy Birthday candles. Bruce invites a banker to the Happy Birthday party, and he is Jim Rome. Bruce asks if he can have money to hire Calvin to be Lil’s genie, but that can’t happen, because Jim says that Bruce’s credit is not tremendous. Instead, Jim makes Bruce his own birthday cake, and Bruce blows out his candles, and wishes for his own genie-powered Calvin Stadiums.
When Calvin appears for him, he asks for his first wish to be for Lil’ Romeo to have his wish come true, which is for Lil’ to have his own Calvin Stadiums genie. This happens, and then there are two Calvins, and five wishes left between Bruce and Lil’.
Jim likes gin.
Lil’ is tremendous like Jim, so he pulls them onto the screened-in porch, and they do math on a yellow legal pad, and figure out that if Lil’ wishes for another Calvin, then they will have three Calvins and seven wishes, and when Jim sees the equals sign on the math he puts a pipe in his mouth.
Bruce gets a twinkle in his eye, and there is a twinkle sound that happens at the same time, and he says that they can do this over and over, and have a bunch of Calvins, and then they can start their own basketball team. Jim says they will have to use one of the wishes to get permission from the NBA, and Bruce is like, “Rack him!” and Jim winks at the camera.
When they go back inside, they do their tricky Happy Birthday plan, and they become rich guys with lots of trophies and underwear groupies, because of their team of Calvin Stadiums.
They all live in a house together, and the house is made of adamantium, like with Wolverene, and Lil’ thought this was a good way to use another wish, because he is afraid of tornadoes. Also, the underwear groupies like to do kissing on Bruce and Jim when they have too much wine, and that’s the tremendous lesson.
BRAD RADBY’S PRODUCTION NOTES
1) Calvin delivered my first kid right there on the movie set and Lisa was mad because he saw her tremendous uterus, and that was the divorce material right there.
2) The first time I held little Disneyland Mustang Radby in my hands, I didn’t know what to do with his belly button wire thing and that was not tremendous.
3) Bruce gave me the evil eye the whole time because there was no dead wife and that was not tremendous for when I was mak-ing the movie.
4) Calvin’s origin story is tremendous how he tells it – shout out to circles! LOL!!!
5) Jim liked the whole pipe meme and also told me that honey is bee throw-up, and that’s not tremendous, so I don’t eat it any-more. wtf