Directed by: Brad Radby
Starring: Josh Hartnett, Mekhi Phifer, Mena Suvari, Jada Pinkett Smith, Andre Braugher, Anthony Hopkins
Critics Average: 0/5 Stars
Box Office (US): $21M
BRAD RADBY’S SYNOPSIS
At the start of the movie, Josh Hartnett is from Alabama, and he goes to have his college experience in California, so he can play football and not have to go to class. Right away there’s a problem, and that’s because Josh is a honky wide receiver, and his quarterback is urban, and he is Mekhi Phifer.
They lose the big game to Hawaii State and their coach, the Wet Dragon, who is Bruce Willis in a cameo. After the game, Josh and Mekhi get in a fist-fight about who is good at football and who isn’t, and everyone is mad, and the coach, who is Anthony Hopkins, has to break up the team fight, and everyone is calling each other honkies. Mekhi screams that he wants to munch on some crackers, so he is hungry and going to dinner.
Josh goes to look at the ocean and have deep thoughts about football, and an urban surfer, who is Andre Braugher, starts to get eaten by a shark. Josh is not sure what to do, and decides to leave, because he thinks the shark called him a honky. A paparazzi sees this, and she is Jada Pinkett Smith, and now she has the hot story about the new honky star letting Andre get eaten by a shark.
This gets to the rest of the paparazzi, because Jada is using it to make her big career move, and that’s when the Army gets involved. One half of the Army is on Josh’s side, and the other half is on Mekhi’s side, and nobody can believe all the craziness and guns, but honky is what people are calling each other a lot.
During the battle, Josh goes to hide at coach’s house, and that’s when he kisses Anthony’s daughter, who is Mena Suvari. They hear the battle getting closer, and on the news the White House blows up, and debris is falling all over, and it starts to acid rain outside.
Mena tells Josh that Mekhi is up in her bedroom, and that they’ve been having jungle fever together, and that there’s a new person in her uterus, and that maybe it can play basketball and hockey. Josh learns his lesson, and feels bad about the shark eating Andre.
He goes and gets Mekhi and they go to Jada and on Entertaining Tonight, they hold their hands up together and tell the Army to stop being involved like this. That’s when someone in a hooded sweatshirt shoots Josh, and everyone knows attitudes need to change.
The gunman, who is Sean Penn, lights up a pipe and drives away in a Mustang that says “BLCK HNKY” on the license plate. He gets away, and that’s a big meme as the credits roll.
BRAD RADBY’S PRODUCTION NOTES
1) We set the Indian Ocean on fire again for this, but that was a deleted scene.
2) I just thought it was time to make a point about how hard it is to get student loans when the Army is involved?
3) We told Josh this was a comedy and it worked! LOL!!
4) We told Mekhi it was a musical and that’s why he was al-ways singing his lines and that worked, too.
5) In the credits where it said, “In Honor of the Honkies Who Gave Their Lives in Civil War 1”, we told the guy who did the credits it was a musical, too.
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