Directed by: Brad Radby
Starring: Denzel Washington, John Travolta, Kelly Preston, Cuba Gooding Jr.
Critics Average: 1/5 Stars
Box Office (US): $171M
BRAD RADBY’S SYNOPSIS
At the start of the movie, Denzel Washington is a college football coach, and he gets the Big C after a big win against the Wet Dragon, who is Bruce Willis in a cameo. Even though he tries so hard, Denzel can’t beat his Big C, so he becomes a dead person. At the funeral, the team’s special needs friend, who is Cuba Gooding Jr, prays for coach to come back and help everyone with his angel wings.
The college president, who is John Travolta, hates angels, so he is really worried that Cuba might be able to make this happen, because Cuba prays to the special volcano god from Mars that all the famous people like. The next day, John slams his fist on his desk, because Denzel is back, and there’s nothing in the rules that says there’s not allowed to be an angel coach.
The first game Denzel coaches, the paparazzi are going crazy, because he calls for a two-point conversion, and also because people are surprised that angels are real. The fans get so happy when Denzel’s pretty angel wings help everyone play good, but John gets really mad at this, and hits his fist against a wall every time the team scores points. Not even Cuba’s hugs can make John think an angel coach is a good idea!
John tries to get the paparazzi to write and say bad things about his angel coach Denzel, and then there’s a long meme, where every team is getting beat by Denzel’s team, and the fans start doing their own wing flapping, and Denzel is getting clever with his powers, like when he winks at people and they get a pretty smile.
Cuba has a radio that only plays happy songs.
John is madder than he’s ever been, and he breaks his hand when he punches his desk. Denzel waves his wings and fixes the broken bones, and that’s double good for John, because his hand is all better, and he figures out Denzel’s weakness, and that’s if John can restrict the fluid motion of his angel wings!
That’s when the plan goes in motion, and John calls Denzel’s wife, who is Kelly Preston, and he tells her that Denzel is back, and that he wants to take her to dinner. She is like, “Whoa, maybe I should watch more TV,” and then she goes to Redd Lobster to meet up for the big dinner. The trick works, and John lets all the lobsters free, and they jump all over Denzel and tie him up, and he can’t use his wings.
When Denzel doesn’t show up for the game, John fires him and makes Cuba be the coach, and that’s so the team will lose, and John doesn’t know what he’ll do after that but NO MORE ANGELS is where he’s coming from. This is what he says as he punches one of the lobsters, and this makes Kelly cry.
So when the team is losing, the crowd starts flapping their foam wings, and that’s when Cuba looks up at Mars and sees Denzel flying down really fast, and he comes down and scores a touchdown, and the team wins!
He is forgiven for getting the Big C, and over the credits every-one pours Gatoraide over John, only in real life and not the movie. Don’t be crabby is the lesson, and Bruce’s dead wife is there as another angel.
BRAD RADBY’S PRODUCTION NOTES
1) Denzel wanted to use real wings and I was thinking special effects wings, so I asked my volcano god and he said to give Denzel real ones, but to use special effects lobsters for sure.
2) I wanted to do this movie because I thought maybe more movies about having happiness would be better than doing doobies, and that was my good lesson to remember from rehab.
3) LOL!!!
4) I forgot to yell cut during the game once and that’s why it looked so real when Denzel scored a touchdown, because he really did, and we gave him a trophy.
5) Cuba wanted me to give him the meme here, but I was like telling him it’s for John, and that’s why we gave Cuba the happy radio songs instead.
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