Directed by: Brad Radby
Starring: Bruce Willis, Keanu Reeves, Sandra Bullock, Rob Schneider
Critics Average: 2/5 Stars
Box Office (US): $147M
BRAD RADBY’S SYNOPSIS
At the start of the movie, Bruce Willis is Henry (Hank) Dragon, and everyone calls him the Wet Dragon, because he’s a famous college football coach in Hawaii, where there’s a ton of water and hula hooping and beach volleyball.
On the side, Bruce has a private investigator store, where people come with adrenaline-fueled cases for Bruce to find action with. Also, Bruce’s dead wife is in Hawaii and she’s buried on the beach, which is where Bruce goes at sunset to have his sadness sometimes.
The President of These United States of America, who is Keanu, comes into Bruce’s store, and says that someone stole the cold fusion recipe from the White House, and he needs the Wet Dragon to find it. Bruce takes the case, and has to juggle finding clues and getting ready for the big game at the same time, and that’s to have jokes and the tension meme.
Bruce’s store has a desk in it.
That’s when the Army gets involved, and Dragon finds out the President is playing both sides, and the only way he can solve the case is for him and his assistant coach, who is Rob Schneider, to take a freighter to China. When the freighter starts on fire, Dragon fist-fights Keanu’s bikini goons really hard, and all around them, Secret Service agents are firing bazookas.
The First Lady, who is Sandra Bullock, punches Bruce and admits she’s in on the plot too, but it’s too late, and she shoots Dragon in the shoulder. As he passes out, Keanu is like, “Tiiiie hiiimmmm uuppp…” and it’s in slow motion because Bruce’s blood is coming out of him real fast now.
When Bruce wakes up he’s in a coffin, and the coffin is hanging off a bridge, and when Keanu blows up the bridge, that’s how he’ll kidnap the scientist from his electric magnet car, and then he’ll get the stolen cold fusion recipe, which the scientist took because Keanu wants to tie the cold fusion to a missile and shoot it at other countries. Keanu explains this to Bruce, and when Bruce tries to be sneaky and get out of the coffin, Keanu is like “no-no-no” with his finger.
Rob sneaks down to the coffin and helps Bruce get free, and then there are more fist-fights with goons, and then Bruce has a fist-fight with Keanu, who knows kung fu and judo at once, plus special kicks that he has. Bruce just knows how to do regular punching on Keanu, so it’s really tough to win this fight for sure! Then the airplane comes over and bombs the bridge, and Bruce saves everyone somehow.
Bruce gets back to the big game in time to win it all, and the case is solved. But Keanu is back in his Oval Office, and in the newspaper, he circles the Dragon’s next game he’s going to coach, which is so ominous.
BRAD RADBY’S PRODUCTION NOTES
1) To help with all the special effects, me and Bruce and Keanu watched Toys Story and we loved the funny voices omg.
2) I couldn’t remember Keanu’s President character name, so I was always calling him Keanu anyway, like the first time with The Exploders, and that was for everyone else, too.
3) It was funny when I would say, “Hey Keanu!” because everyone would look over! LOL!!!
4) The pretty girl who played Bikini Goon #19 went all the way with me because I let her say words in the movie, and that’s when I thought maybe being a director is pretty fun!
5) We had a deleted scene where Bruce eats charcoal and then he can breathe fire just like a real Wet Dragon, and it wasn’t in the movie so that’s how I learned what deleted means.
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