Directed by: Brad Radby
Starring: Bruce Willis, Keanu Reeves, Sandra Bullock, David Spade
Critics Average: 1/5 Stars
Box Office (US): $211M
BRAD RADBY’S SYNOPSIS
At the start of the movie, the Wet Dragon, who remember is Bruce Willis, is coaching the big game again, but he’s being distracted because the President and his wife, who are Keanu and Sandra Bullock still, are sending troops into the Iraq. Bruce knows it’s because they’re trying to find the cold fusion recipe again, and that’s because of the first movie.
Then he knows it for sure because his assistant, who is David Spade this time, gets a call from Keanu telling him that that’s exactly what’s going on, and they’ve framed it all on Bruce, and that’s like the payback meme.
That’s when the Army gets involved and arrests Bruce and David, and they escape in a Mustang by being tough and tricky at the same time. They smirk a lot while Bruce punches and shoots, and David acts scared and in over his head, because he didn’t know Bruce was this much more than a football coach at all!
Bruce’s wife is still dead.
When they get to the Iraq, they go undercover to find out the truth, and when they do, it’s even worse than they thought, because the cold fusion missiles are huge. Bruce decides that this time it’s personal, and he’s going to punch Keanu harder than ever, and everyone will know the truth about their bad guy President.
That’s when the Army gets involved even more, and Bruce is captured even more. Luckily David remembered all the trickery he saw Bruce doing before, and springs him just in time for the boat chase with Keanu and Sandra. Whoever gets there first will either launch or stop the cold fusion missiles, and Keanu is the one who will launch them, because he’s the one who wants to do that, not Bruce.
It’s a race across the Indian Ocean, and there’s an oil spill, so everything is on fire, and David is hilarious because he keeps getting oil on his face while he’s trying to drive the boat and saying, “Mommy…” and doing his funny whining.
Bruce has his fist-fight with Keanu, and this time Keanu learned karate, too – uh-oh! But Sandra launches the missile, so Bruce jumps on the missile and blows it up in the air before it can hit England. He falls to the ground and everyone thinks he’s dead, so they’re quiet and sad. Even Keanu isn’t saying words, because he’s having respect for Bruce being so good at his action detective job.
That’s when Bruce opens his eyes and asks how long he’s been sleeping, because the team needs him to get back for the big game.
Like a few feet away, the missile lands on Keanu, even though it already blew up, and the Wet Dragon wins again! The team is happy because they’re Back-2-Back Champs, and they all get t-shirts that say that, while Bruce looks at a picture of his dead wife and imagines her saying he did a good job in a voice that is pretty.
Over the credits, Keanu is on TV doing his big speech to the country, and he says that college football season is too long and that’s a big uh-oh!
BRAD RADBY’S PRODUCTION NOTES
1) I forgot to yell cut in one scene and so we actually set the Indian Ocean on fire, and that was pretty cool looking!
2) Me and Bruce got matching Superguy tattoos on our legs before we started making the movie, but Bruce forgot to show up, so I got both of them.
3) I met my first wife Lisa on this movie – she played BBQ Cheerleader #98 and she was the one who dropped the steaks in the scene where the Army gets involved.
4) The best was when BBQ Cheerleader #97 tried to pick up the steak, and like you can almost see her butt if you tilt your head right!
5) When we were making the movie, I was talking to Mr. Naiboir about when The Exploders was gonna come out, and then he said if I stopped asking, we could start putting my name in the names of my movies, and me and Ruffers liked that!