Directed by: Brad Radby
Starring: Bruce Willis, Paul Walker, Julia Stiles, Marlon Wayans
Critics Average: 0/5 Stars
Box Office (US): $6M
BRAD RADBY’S SYNOPSIS
At the start of the movie, it’s ten years later, and the Wet Dragon, who is Bruce Willis again, is down on his luck. He was fired from his old job because of all the detective action he brought to the hula college, so now he coaches high school basketball in Iowa. He goes by the Dry Dragon, so nobody knows his past and his exciting secrets.
Bruce is always by himself with his doggie and the pictures of his dead wife, but he keeps one detective eye on the President, who is Paul Walker, who is Keanu’s little brother. “Like brother, like brother,” is Dragon’s new motto, and he says it so many times in the movie, and it’s always cool.
So to be like his brother, Paul starts his new plan, and this one will kill all the glaciers with cold fusion, and start the global warming. “No more penguins…” is what Paul tells the First Lady, and she is Julia Stiles, and she’s in on the ice-melting plan, too.
Bruce’s doggie is deaf.
Bruce leaves his assistant coach in charge, who is Marlon Wayans, and promises to be back in time for the big game. He wonders if he’s still got it, and then sneaks aboard Air Force One and finds Paul and is like, “Like brother, like brother, eh pal?”
They have a fist-fight, and Julia shoots them both, and then we know that she’s in charge now, because she’s an independent woman. Bruce punches her out of the airplane, but she gets saved with a pink parachute, and pushes the button, and the glaciers start to turn into water.
Paul decides maybe all that water is a bad idea when he sees the paparazzi’s pictures of the dying penguins, and so he makes a deal with Dragon to stop the melting. They jump out of Air Force One as it explodes, and then go hide out in the gym to figure out their next move.
The team comes in with Marlon, who used the online internet to figure out that Bruce is the Wet Dragon, and that’s the meme. They convince Bruce he still has it, and everyone heads to the Antarctica to stop Julia. They don’t trust Paul and tie him up, which is funny because the kids do it and he goes, “Hey, cut it out!” and also Bruce’s doggie does antics during this.
When they get there, the melting has already started, and so Dragon has to jump on the melting machine, and the machine gives him the Big C, and he dies.
The world is saved though, and Paul buries him on the beach in Hawaii, because the Wet Dragon is a legend, and his life will be honored, and not tarnished like with Patrick Ewing. One by one, the kids throw dirt on his coffin flag and cry while they do it.
Marlon coaches the team to the big win, and looks up to heaven and says, “Like brother, like brother, Wet Dragon.” That’s when Bruce is in the clouds with his wife and his angel wings, and Denzel is there, which is a cameo, and they all flap their angel wings together.
A special song plays over the credits, with black and white pictures from the other Dragon’s Game movies, and pictures of the crew and Bruce giving each other high fives and hugs, and everyone has pipes also.
BRAD RADBY’S PRODUCTION NOTES
1) Without Keanu it was kinda not the same, and that‘s why people said I took the franchise and did murder on it.
2) Keanu was supposed to be in it, but he was busy, and when he found out about Paul being the President, he stopped by the movie set and went “no-no-no” with his finger to me. :(
3) Barky played Bruce’s doggie, and he got dialog, which was that part where he went, “BARK! BARK BARK BARK! BARK!” and Bruce was like, “Hey pal, whatcha barkin’ at?”
4) Me and Denzel had another fight about his angel wings, and no help on this one from Xemi. wtf
5) I forgot to yell cut when Bruce punched Julia out of the airplane, and that’s why it was a cartoon Julia for the rest of the movie.
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